Hi Anita,

Again thank you for your reply. Your last statement really struck a chord with me “The reason you are confused when you listen to him, is that what he tells you is not making sense, it is not true to reality.” It is certainly how I have felt about a lot of things we have talked about.

I do know that if this was to continue I would need to see that his relationship with his ex is a true “friendship” and not anything more. I would need what you described in terms of her acceptance to be shown. I do feel truly uncomfortable about their “deep bond” now it has affected things so badly. I think he did the right thing in some ways, not to abandon her (she had a very tough time after he ended their life partnership). I do think this went way too far though, and he was very naive about relationships. I have told him that he showed her respect and not me and I still believe that to be true, although he implores me to see this differently.

I have a lot to think about. I struggle because I don’t think it is helpful for me to place myself as a victim in life – I participated in this relationship and I have had my part to play in how things turned out. I don’t want to give up on what could be true love and happiness but I am also tired and struggling to see how I can forgive.

However, I do need to stop letting all this affect me so badly. I have a huge amount to be grateful for in life. I have been told in the past that I am strong and resilient, and it saddens me that I no longer feel that way myself. I think the most important thing right now is that I work on feeling better in myself.