Dear @anita: Thanks for your new comment. I appreciate you found some free time to leave it here. I need to say that all your posts and the last one from @ellieslp helped me a lot to realize that maybe there was something in the air before whole break up thing happend. I noticed that he didn´t treat me the way he could. He tried only at the beginning. Then, as he get what he wanted he started to feel a boredom. I was afraid of that but when it actually came I didn´t notice because- I spent so much time in my job.

We spoke about my anxiety, anita. But he couldn´t imagine how much it affects my life and everything. He was kind of selfish and when I was afraid of something he was also annoying and he mentioned many times he couldn´t get what I was afraid of. I think I´m trying really hard to not be depressive or hysterical, or so. When we were at his place I used to clean it and kept it tidy. He had a pure mess in his place so I made it without a word. Because I don´t like a mess. I also tried to not be a boring lover. When we had argument about something I tried to make things better.
All I can say is that I´m naturally a good girl and if he discuss his problem in the relationship with me, maybe we could save it instead of bury it for good.

Now I remember those words he said during that dinner we broke up: “I can´t see any future for us. I think we´re in the end of our path.” I was shocked and had no words. But I tried to let him know I care about him but respect it. It was was week later (when I finally woke up from that shock) but he said- “If you said this to me before you agreed on the break up I would PROBABLY change my mind!”
It seems like a pretty excuse as he knew for sure I wasn´t able to reply in the moment of breaking up.

I don´t blame anyone for what happend. I felt miserable few days after. I was also ten days late with my period so I was afraid the worst may come. Finally it didn´t. But for the moment I was wondering if possible pregnancy would change something. Naive but it crossed my mind.

I´m working a lot because I don´t have proper education so I need to work hard. I still wonder about take some course or get higher education but I also need money for that, for rent and time as well. And for single woman is this just unimaginable. 🙁

His friends- he knew I had those problems in group of new people. We spent New Year´s Eve with ten his best friends. Ten new people for me. I need to admit I was drinking a lot during those three days we we´re together. So I was able to communicate with them. But then we met two times after it in the pub. And I wasn´t drinking and I was quiet all the time. They were talking about University (I don´t have a diploma- all of his friends have it and he is now on doctoral studies). And they talked about cooking. I have no clue about cooking. As I don´t have a time for it and I have nobody to cook for. And just for myself? I´m ok with spaghetti. And plus- he didn´t say me they´ll be there. I thought we are going to normal “Me & him” date.

I don´t think I´m weird. Not a lot. But when I was in his presence I never felt enough good. I never felt it in my previous relationships, too. They were very intelligent people. But I felt they coul´dn´t respect my behavior. And maybe they didn´t respect me because I had only high school. But I don´ t think I´ m stupid.

There is one friend of mine I like. He has Asperger´s. Oficially confirmed. And I would like to try things with him as he´s on the same page, understands what I´m going through. He respects me and he is obviously into me. But I´m afraid of dating him because he had no girlfriend in the past and I don´t want to break his heart. I´m not perfect girl. OK, nobody´s perfect. But there is also one thing. He is still studying University and has no job. I know how hard is for us to find and keep a job. So I don´t know if it is good to start something with this guy. You know- I want have kids in the future and have a partner I can rely on. Asperger´s are reliable but what if he will struggle with his job and lost it everytime? I´ve been there many times. So I know sometimes trying hard is still not enough for other people. But his chances are bigger with diploma, it´s right.

I know this is another long post but I hope you will reply because I really like your comments. Thanks a lot.

P.S.: I´m also sorry for my English, I´m not very good in it. I was lazy to study it harder. 😛