Dear Anita

Wow your words actually made me start crying and you are so right. My psychologist told me the same thing that i strive to perfect and i never realised at how badly i try to be perfect and what pressures it puts on me to be perfect. Probably goes down to yet again wanting to be accepted and not to be judged.

“You dont have to be perfect to be loved” i love that sentance, it made me smile with tears in my eyes because its true, no one is perfect and i know i am not perfect but i try so hard to be because i love that somebody too much to even consider being less than perfect.

Yes those are my initial thoughts, that i am the one to blame and i am the one thats doing all the wrong. In this case very much so, it is only when i speak to my family or friends that they make me see different but then a few hours later i start to think ..i shouldnt be thinking like this, this is what other people think and i shouldnt let anyone make me think any different..im listening to them and not my own heart. Does this make sense?

Thank you so much Anita for hearing me out and guiding me, you are one of the strengths i need right now. I know what i need to do, i know going back with him is also a massive risk.. but i dont understand why the hell im leaning towards taking another rest.. this must have to do with MY psychological issues…

I just feel like i am going round and round in circles with him.