Dear Anonymous:

You wrote: “for the life of me I just cant see what the issue is that makes people so ready to be rid of me. Im honest, I dont have a drug problem, I do my best to be a good friend and woman”-

The answer is here: “another potential relationship was ruined due to my… accusations (“you dont actually care about me, etc”) that were far too premature, we werent even dating…sending inflammatory messages (to him)…I start.. fights… I’m always in turmoil…Ive always had rocky relationships.”

Anxiety is very difficult to manage, and to heal from, very difficult to live with. But it by itself is not the reason for your failed relationships, it is the anger that is linked to your anxiety.

When we are afraid, we often do get angry, either at ourselves or at others. According to your share (in my quotes), you often get angry at others, accusing, and starting fights. You get stuck on anything they say (don’t you?) or do… or not say, or not do, thinking IT is evidence that they think little of you, don’t value you, don’t love you, and you get angry.

So a person involved with you has no way to have peace. He (or she) can’t just be. It is like walking on a landmine, not knowing when the next explosion happens.

What to do (without attending psychotherapy)? Peel of the angry behavior from your anxiety. You will be anxious again, when interacting with people. But instead of automatically reacting, pause. Take a break. Then evaluate, when you are calm: what happened? Was I really mistreated or maybe there is another explanation to what was said or done? Next, you may check with the person calmly: What did you mean when you said (this)?

If you peel of the angry behavior, you will be left with the anxious you, but relationships, over time, will be possible. In relationships with good people (evaluation is necessary to determine that), you can find help and support for your anxiety.

I hope you post again with your thoughts and feelings.

anita