Dear A:

He was married for 15 years, I assume he had a relationship with his ex wife longer than those 15 years, closer to 20, perhaps? He has been separated from her for over 2 years before he met you. Then you and him had a relationship lasting 8 months from beginning to end.

Eight months is not that long, compared to close to 20 years of his previous relationship and 2 years between that and meeting you. The relationship with you didn’t start in the middle, but in a beginning. So there hasn’t been that much time for him to get over his fear of commitment etc. You didn’t give him that much time.

I suppose you didn’t have much time to give, felt pressure and pressured him to get over his fear. It is your right to determine how much time you give a relationship, absolutely. I am thinking it wasn’t much time. Fear is a very powerful emotion. If fear is what kept him from committing to you, more time, more patience, more of a gentle attitude toward him could have been helpful.

What do you think?

anita