Dear anita and lukesblues,

You’re both very right. And I totally agree with you anita. You wrote:
“You don’t have this with your current girlfriend. She loved you from the start, no loss-and-return. It feel nice, but not intense.”

True. She gives me all I have ever wanted with my ex. I feel safe in my relationship. I feel secure. I give her a lot of freedom. She has her male friends and I do not feel jealous becouse of it. She also trusts me completely and gives a lot of space and freedom. I deeply care for her, and when she was going through hardships related to loss of job, I was giving my best to help her out with finding a new workplace. I am always there for her, and I know that I can always rely on her when I feel low. I can expose to her my most vulnerable part and feel completely comfortably with it.

Role model of what relationship should be. But… you’re very right anita.. I miss that intoxicating intensity of my flawed relationship with my ex.

It’s stupid, becouse rational part of me doesn’t want this kind of relationship. I know it has never served my well-being. I was suffering most of time, but still these occasional highs were totally worth it.

I guess that’s how feel a crack addict.