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Hi K,
Maybe your need for your ex springs from the lack of love that I hear you explaining that you don’t get from your Dad?
People who cannot accept responsibility for their part in things and try to put things on you, in my eyes, aren’t good for you. Could you live with someone constantly telling you that you’re always in the wrong & never accepting his part in things? I couldn’t, it’s not healthy, it’s not a happy environment and shows little respect for you as a person to be doing that. Could you ever imagine doing that to him/someone you love? You just wouldn’t do it.
Don’t feel like a loser because you’re single at 34. Is life all about having a relationship then? Does your relationship status determine your value? I think what does determine your value is that you are able to get out of a bad relationship and eventually in time, after healing and realising your worth, you find someone who mirrors you. It’s better to be alone than with someone who mistreats you