Dear Niki:

If you keep your eyes closed to what has been and is really going on, then you will let this relationship define the rest of your life, and you will live as a victim of this seven year relationship ending.  You will keep blaming yourself for what is not your doing, leading a life of misery.

But if you open your eyes, there is hope for a wonderful life for you.

The most recent behavior on his part is congruent with the last post I wrote you, which I don’t think you read or, if you did, you did not consider it. I will re-write it here, inserting the new development into it, and adding to it (and I sure hope you can be calm enough before you read the following, please do calm yourself, take deep breaths, take a walk beforehand, a hot bath, a hot tea, whatever it takes):

IF your (and your family’s) goal was to marry a man of financial means, wealth, regardless of his nature, regardless of the quality of the relationship and your-misery-to-follow, then you did miss your chance here. You may not have the opportunity to date a man/family of equal financial status. You may, but my not.

IF your goal was to marry a loving man, one with whom you will have a loving, healthy relationship, then you just avoided settling into a miserable life with an unloving man. Now you do have the chance to meet a man who will be loving and with whom you will be content.

He is not who you thought and believed he was. He is not who your family thought and believed he was. You have to make the changes in your thinking and believing so to fit reality.

The man was not and is not honest with you. He was not and is not loyal to you, nor is he trustworthy or warm. He appeared those things only in the context of BEFORE his parents were notified and he knew of that context. He knew all along that they will disapprove, or are very likely to disapprove.

He blocked you twice, coldly, heartlessly- and this is who he is, cold. If you married him, this would be what you would have experience- cold. You would continue to blame yourself, your behavior for his coldness, not realizing he was cold all along.

anita