Dear bricklady:

The people present in your relationship with him, besides you and him, and the children, are also his ex wife, your exes, and maybe most influential, his parents and your parents- they are ALL there- what a party, huh?

If you had a very different childhood than the one you had, your experience with him would have been different. Same with him. This is why it is important to examine the past- to see how it affects the present.

Your separation anxiety from before, from childhood, most likely, is fueling your current distress. Before the current separation from Brickman, your separation anxiety played a big part in the dynamics then, in how strongly you got attached to him/ the instant family and how that attachment expressed itself.

Your last sentence, that you want “some small reassurance” but “it’s not (your) place to ask”- bitterness there, isn’t it? Thing is, a small reassurance will not satisfy for long, not with an active separation anxiety.

I think you are doing very well, going to therapy, following up on your therapist’s recommendations, and doing your best overall. I wish it was easier for you. This is a long term process, your individual healing as well as doing your best in this relationship. You always have the option to terminate the relationship- to give up  on it- you don’t have to keep going. But if you choose to keep at it, you will need more… and more patience. Keep posting, anytime.

anita