Dear John,

Yes there is a bit of a stigma because it’s not usual for people in my culture to go see a therapist.  I have not even considered it but when Anita brought it up I decided to do some research and found that the symptoms I am experiencing seems to be depression:

1. A very characteristic sleep disorder. Unless the depressed person is very depressed, or unless there is some particular worry troubling him or her, there is no trouble falling asleep. But sleep is typically interrupted during the night. The depressed person wakes up repeatedly, agitated or restless, sometimes from a bad dream, then returns to sleep only to wake up prematurely, unable to get back to sleep. This is called early-morning awakening, and it can go on day after day and week after week.
2. On waking up, the depressed person feels bad. That particular bad feeling varies from person to person. Usually it is a sad feeling, but not always. Sometimes it is an agitated, even a panicky feeling. The panic attack, if that it is the way it is experienced, is likely to last longer than the panic attacks of an uncomplicated panic disorder. And it tends to be there every morning. This bad feeling lessens during the course of the day, so that evenings may be more comfortable.
3. Usually, there is a loss of appetite to the point of losing weight. Sometimes, less commonly, there is an increase of appetite, in which case the depression is said to be atypical.

All 3 of those are exactly as I am experiencing.  I find that it is worse in the morning and I’m having early morning awakening too.

Dear Anita, I feel like I am contradicting myself because I had to cut my story short initially.  Earlier on in the relationship, I told him that if he sees no future for us and do not think he can commit to me, especially since he will be going back,  I wish to not go any further because I only want to be in a committed serious relationship which will eventually lead to marriage.  He gave me all the right promises AT THE BEGINNING and even told me that he has told his family about me and that they liked me.  He also said that he will definitely be back for me and told me his plans for coming back.  But upon reflection, I have never even seen their photos and I increasingly felt like he was only giving lip service.  As times wore on, he changes his plan a lot of times to the point that I am feeling like he is not really thinking of us.  (i.e. moving forward his departure date without talking to me – telling me matter-of-factly, changing his one year stay to 1.5 years and then finally saying that it could maybe be 2 years, buying a brand new merz eventhough he told me he’s saving to come back).

The only thing he said after our short conversation with me asking who the girl he went out with was Let’s stop and have time apart.  That’s literally what he wrote!  And that was why I was thinking that he was only requesting for time apart.  Not a break up!  Who breaks up without really discussing it??  Only when I sent him the email a week after, that I initially talked about did I understand that he meant break up for real and he wanted only to say goodbye.  That he didn’t love me enough and cannot do long distance.  Just that!! So he broke no agreement and has no debt to me?

And to put salt on my wound, he started pursuing a girl and flirting with her on social media not even 2 weeks after he told me we’re breaking up?? Is this right?? The way he treated me? He has no debt to me because I should not have been stupid enough to trust that he would at least have the courtesy to give me time to heal before he starts doing that??  Do I not deserve some consideration?? Because I was too easy?