Jason, wow you hit the nail on the head. I knew that I had some codependent behaviors but I don’t think I knew what the true definition was. I just watched a video and I am absolutely codependent — it has been hard for me recently to figure out what “to think about” — which is why I have been obsessing over losing weight for the past 10 months. That was my “process”, whereas before it was the “breakup” and then before that, it was the relationship. I always need a process, person, or thing to occupy my mind. I had no idea that this is what codependency is.

I was in a relationship starting at 16 years old until I was almost 20 (a very impressionable time) that was VERY codependent and toxic. My boyfriend was older than me and convinced me that love was all encompassing, that you become “one person”, and did not give me a shred of privacy or independence. It was very mentally and emotionally abusive and I had to “escape” — I don’t think I realized how that created codependent patterns in my life. Good thing I’m going to therapy and will be able to work through this.

However, I did “bite the bullet” and I ended up reaching out to my ex. He has yet to answer so we will see what happens. While I think your point is right at the core, I think I also need the peace of mind on a more shallow level. He has posted all these sad songs and given me so many small glimmers of hope and it’s not allowing me to move on. If he doesn’t want to be with me, I need to know for sure. That way, I can ask him to stop sending me mixed signals and let me move on.