Actually I just re-read your post and honestly what you going through sounds eerily similar. My ex had ADD too and I had anxiety! I’m more of an introvert and he was a bit of both, but he wanted to spend a lot of time with me (luckily there was a bit of travelling distance between us, so we didn’t see each-other everyday).
One thing that stood out for me was this “And he will make statements like “not everything is your fault here” and will talk about how much progress I’m making, but I still somehow walk away feeling like it is my fault.” My ex said stuff like this, where it seemed like it was encouraging but in a way there was something really icky about it. It was almost saying “look you have a lot of problems and I am helping you fix them, aren’t I great” and so at the time I was like “oh wow, yeah he’s helping me fix my issues, he’s helping me progress!” and then I realised, “hold on, he has issues too and why is it that he wants to look like he’s coming in, having the patience in saving me?”. I don’t know how to explain it, but it was almost like “actually he had the issues, and by concentrating on my issues, he can look like the great fixer upper-er”, while deflecting his own issues. By him concentrating on my issues and us working on me, I failed to notice that he had a lot of issues and behaviors himself that were not healthy. It felt a bit like manipulation to me, without me understanding what was actually happening. I don’t know if that makes any sense to you? It maybe completely different. I maybe projecting my own story here.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 