Dude,

I read your post and I gave myself a few days to help you the best way I can. Let’s go.

First, we are not alone. Thousands of people around the world are having heart breaks at this very minute. Woo, that is a relief! Knowing people share from our suffering and can ressonate with us makes it a little bit better. I, myself, am going through a heart ache right now. So, ok, next thing;

You are expressing your emotions, and that is beautiful. The first step to heal is accepting your emotions and expressing them. Great job! But not it has reached the time to let it go. 3 months would have been enough, we are safe to let it go now. The way to do this?

1. Have your super grief day. Just go, sit down, chill… and think of her as much as you want. Just think of everything that hurts you and let the pain burn inside of you. Be mindful of this pain, be aware that it’s inside of you and invite it in. I like to think like my heart is a house and I love keeping nice people in there (joy, peace, happiness, etc), and when the bad guys come (heartache, depression, sadness, grief, etc) I try to get them away. But I want you to invite them in.

Actually use your imagination and see yourself inviting them in, picture them as hideous monsters and let them be inside of your heart. Offer them yummy cookies, ask them what they like, treat them like your best friends. Don’t try to separate yourself from the pain. Embrace it. Accept it. It is already there, so treat it with maximum love.

2. OK, after this we can procceed with love and mindfulness. When a thought of your ex pops on your mind, your mind goes like -holy shit, look at that yummy thought! Let’s feast on it!! and, out of habit, you just go like -ok, why not?

So, there actually is a comfort in pain. And that is brutally unhealthy. We need to make ourselves look the other way around. I will suggest you this great article with a little step by step on how to give yourself love. IT WAS SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN that 7 hours of this will physically change your brain. (google for “be-kind-to-yourself-right-now” on mindful.org)

3. Letting go is NOT an one time thing. Specially in heart break scenarios. You need to let go, 100 – 150 times, all these little times throughout the day. And then your mind starts to understand that thinking of this might not be the best idea. And you and your mind can start going to a better direction.

4. Brother, set a goal. It can be anything, from learning a new instrument to building your own house, idk, but go after the stuff you love in house. It obviously can be related to non-material things as well. Maybe you want to be more confident, have more friends, have more fun in life, I don’t know. Find it out and let this motivation join you in your life. It’s great.

5. Last but not least, keep it up. You will have great moments if you follow this and you will think -oh yeah, I am getting better! then you think of your ex and it breaks your heart and you go like -oh, no, I’m a failure 🙁 ~ but you are not. It takes time but IT WORKS!! You are the only thing permanent in this world. You are your own safe land. So, please, apply effort to make it feel good being in your skin, in your mind. It is worth it, man!

These are just some tips that I am using right now to cope with my own shit. I will be sending good thoughts your way, friend! good luck!