Dear Shirley:

How to assert yourself without being overbearing? By being assertive, not aggressive. Being assertive is practicing an attitude of Win-Win. With Andrew, it will be Shirley wins AND Andrew wins.

And not if Shirley wins, then Andrew loses. Or if Andrew wins then Shirley must lose. No: both must win.

Regarding your second question, no one has to back down (lose)- the two of you need to care about the other not losing, or not getting hurt from the interaction. Best practice assertiveness as part of EAR: Empathy, Assertiveness, Respect. Always respect (even when feeling angry at the other).

anita