I have always been close to her, shared many nice moments, talks or even excursions. Even though I kept deep in my heart and mind some secrets I strongly felt she was like a friend to me. Later on I realized those secrets were guilts for hiding that I am gay and couldnt share it at the time. For certain things she prefered to have hiding things from the dad and I was raised with one friend and being afraid of the other. It sounds overdramatic but thats the easiest way to describe it.

While with my father it was so different. He is a permanent hotheaded traditional man that influenced me to  always have so much megativity surrounding me. I was afraid to express myself or even share things from my daily life, school performance/ relationships with friends. We had zero communication and I could expect from time to time him to tell me off for whatever reason. Growing up within such a complex and dual ambience (hiding from one and being so open with the other) I decided to start sharing things that I felt comfortable doing with both. Such as telling them about my dreams, plans, studies.

My mother knows about my sexuality since last year- she wasnt expecting at all and it was a huge shock for her. This made me keep some distance from telling her about my sexual life- but I now know I dont have to hide or lie. And to be honest I prefer that rather than liying to one of them and being honest to the other.

The past years that I live abroad, I think, my relationship with both has improved a lot. In the sense that I try to communicate equally with both and especially my dad is trying much more to get in touch or express himself.