Hi Anita,

You’re right. I think deep down I have the answers I’m searching for, I just don’t want to have to believe the awful truth. It’s scary, knowing there are people out there like that, and that they are so convincing. I can’t believe someone, this “player” I fell for, would spend all that time convincing me I was special, making playlists for me, giving me gifts and writing me sweet letters, and messaging me all day long all for a game. I could never do that to someone, so I think I’m having a hard time believing he did.

I’ve been struggling too with this not affecting my self worth, I know it shouldn’t. Part of me just can’t understand why someone like him (he’s not very educated, has a decent job but doesn’t take it too seriously, does drugs for fun, etc.) would reject me (I’m 28, attractive, have a professional career, master’s education, financially secure). I was talking to my dad about this, and he said it would be like someone offering him a very expensive and valuable bottle of wine. He would appreciate it, but ultimately wouldn’t value it as it should be because he doesn’t like/want alcohol. I see the point of the metaphor, so I’m trying not to take it personally.

The last issue I’m still struggling with is the physical attraction. I’m disgusted with his behaviour and his “true colours”, but somehow I still find him physically attractive, so much so that I’m worried I will ever be as physically attracted to anyone else. I really hope it isn’t the case, but just my luck that he was the exact image of my “type”. I hate that I’m being so superficial and shallow, especially with all the pain he’s caused me, but somehow my emotional and physical needs seem to be totally seperate. It’s so frustrating!