Dear laelithia:

When reality is painful, we often choose to reject reality and instead.. we edit reality, reformulate it so it is less painful. Problem is, reality stays what it is regardless of our mental editing of it. And when we edit reality, we fail to learn from it. The editing relieves us from the distress of “the awful truth. It’s scary, knowing there are people out there like that, and that they are so convincing”, only temporarily.

Seeing and staying with the truth, unedited allows us to learn and function better in the future, making avoidable pain and suffering way less likely. This is a long term benefit.

I think I understand your father’s metaphor. It wasn’t that you were not good enough for him being “28, attractive, have a professional career, master’s education, financially secure,” but that what he values is the fun of the ride. You had value for him as long as the ride was fun. His focus is on the fun he is having, not on your education, professional life and financial security.

Regarding the physical attraction- I suppose if you tried, you could spend time with him sexually, sooner or later. But what would be the cost of that pleasure, to you?

anita