Dear Smile:

In your last post you wrote: “i have gotten to realise that i am just lusting after her. Yes we have a wonderful sex life. it is just lust…I just need help to get over this lust, i am now being tempted to reach out to her. all for the lust nothing else.”

I am sure lust is a part of it, but there is something else. That something else is expressed in your own words, in your original post (in bold): “sometimes she begs and begs and out of pity and compassion i go back to what i dont want… I feel bad sometimes that  i have hurt her even when i know she is cheating on me… This is the same reason i always go back to her i feel this way all the time after leaving her. Pity and Pity and sometimes regret.”

Pity, compassion, guilt (feeling bad for hurting her), pity: these are not lust. Pity and guilt are far from being sexy, or are they?

You wrote: “It feels weird to me.. like loving your enemy”- possibly (and it is only a possibility, for your evaluation if you choose to consider it), your lust is your enthusiastic efforts to … please the enemy, to make up for your imagined guilt. There are other possibilities.

Post again, if you’d like.

anita