HI Joe,

I glad you posted this experience and your thgths in here and it just opened up the converstation and really nice to see all the response and others in the same boat . Im can indirectly relate to what you feel and and sometime dont understand how to deal with the situation. let me explain.

When i said i’m relate indirectly i meant, thru my boyfriend. My BF is exactly what you and others described and are. he doesnt talk much in a group hardly ever, just sit there and zones out attime since he think he don’t understand what he can contribute to the talk for the sake of talking if he has no opinion . He does speak where he thinks he has a point to make or can contribute and he is comfortable with. often this comes out as being arrogant, lack of social skills , boring and sometimes insulting to others which is not at all the reality. His silence is so very often misunderstood and he never corrects anything.  Im reasonably extrovert girl love to talk and share things with more ease but i never had any problem with my BF’s silence since he talk to me when he feels like sharing something ( not too much talk though like wats up girl every time) but when we are together its never awkward silence. every thing was find utill recently. and it all started with going out in groups. when ever we go out every1 asks me if he speaks and why doesnt he speak often, more why is he shy..Blah..Blah.. it was fine intially where i just used to say he is fine and yes we do talk and he is not from outer space but just dont have verbal diarrhea like us but every time i go out at somepoint of time the conversation in the group turns to why my BF dont talk and how calm is he and every one turns to me for answers which i freaking dont have and its started getting awkward between me and my BF. I did have fights on this issues after all this pointing about silence and no talking as i felt i was some where trying to tell people wanted to prove that my BF is not awkward its just the way he is and it will talk sometime for him to talk and even then he is less talker. it hurts when i hear people talking like this about him and i get frustrated trying to justify and inturn show tht on him which is not atall a problem btw us ever to begin with.

i love this man very much and he is my bestfrnd before being my BF a very genuine person and i think its peoples loss if they don’t understand his silence  and pressurize him to open up be social ( infact his silence and no need to too much talking like other guys who talk meaningless stuff in the name of socializing and being kool was one thing that drew me to him. less talk more genuine care and axn). but off late its getting to me and i feel very bad that its causing rift with him and i don’t want to pressurize him to do something he is not comfortable with and i don’t what him to change because of all this unless he wants it .

How do i deal with people , they are not bad people they are our friends but still why in the world dont people give up and accept its ok to be silent and feel the presence.