Oh Anita, thank you so much for your patience and diligence in rereading my posts. I had tears in my eyes as I read your most recent post. I think you are 100% right, and I think the reason I was not feeling like other advice I had gotten was getting it right was that it was so focused on him being a player, deceiving purposefully, and outright narcissistic. I believe you have it correct, in that he did believe in that time, that I was “the one”, that he believes it’s possible every time he gets involved with a woman.

I did not have a difficult or traumatic childhood, my parents provided the best care that they could and I had many opportunities (private school, extracurricular activities, clothes/toys, etc.), however I longed so deeply to be seen by them, to be heard, to hear loving words of affirmation. However neither parent was given that by their own parents growing up, I don’t think they had the ability to do so for me. I’m the second born of four children, all within five years. I think my parents were incredibly stressed between providing for us financially and trying to care for each of us, but my younger sister was born just 18 months after me and has always had a much better relationship with my mother than I ever did. I tried so hard to get her attention, I would clean the house as a child during the nights to surprise her, I would work so hard at school, I would try to engage with her. But she was emotionally aloof, and often deferred to spending time with my sister. Over the years I began to resent my sister, I did not treat her well, and this proved to worsen my relationship with my mother, and further my inner dialogue of feeling unworthy of her attention, and ultimately unlovable.

Now that I have recognized this fully, I would hope that my feelings regarding this situation would change. However, I still long for that person to come back, the man that “loved” me so much, that treated me so well. But I can tell his feelings have changed, he said it happens often, and that he never goes back to an ex. The truth is at this point, I don’t think I would believe him if he came back claiming to love me, to want to be with me, which is irrelevant anyway, since I don’t think he ever would. I don’t know how to move forward now, because I think what I long for is impossible. I want HIM, this perfect version of this man, that 1) doesn’t want me anymore, and 2) is fundamentally different now that what I wanted. I don’t find any other men attractive anymore, I don’t want to try again, I just feel so stuck…

Do you have any ideas of where I should go from here? I’m so saddened by all of this, and I truly do want to heal.

Again, I cannot thank you enough for the help you have already given me. You have helped me more than the therapist I am seeing! I’m eternally grateful.