Part Five:

I daydreamed a whole lot, all through the years, in my room. No one knew of my dreams. As I reached high school, it was time for me to make some of my dreams come true: I was going to be a cheerleader! I was going to have a love story! Life was going to be different: it was different for the characters in my book; it will be different for me too!

And I did go for cheerleading and I did fall in love with a boy.

But I was promptly bullied, lost cheerleading because I didn’t remember a routine (I was sick the day it was taught), and I couldn’t figure out what to do about the boy. I wanted him to approach me but he never did.

My first semester grades were so good, nonetheless, that I was going to be on the honor role, but instead I quit high school altogether, at 15, never to return.

It was then that my grandfather set me up with my first psychotherapist. A new doctor refused to prescribe more Ritalin for me, suggested it was harming me.

I had no friends and didn’t go out. If I wasn’t in my room, I cleaned the house and did everyone’s laundry.

I cried all day when I was supposed to graduate high school. I never dated, didn’t go to a prom, like the others. Had no friends. I could have been on the honor roll, but was not. I could have… all the daydreaming in my room were just that, dreams, and nothing to show for them in reality.

At 17 I was pressured to get a job.