Good morning Anita,

had a pretty tough night last night I think because I was so anxious what you were going to write in the other thread I posted in. Do you have any insight on that? I think your advice on there was amazing and said a lot of what I usually tell myself, you were a child, curious, unaware of what your actions would do to you in the future, 35,z but what scared me was when you said the person is deplorable if they make a mistake more than once, and that’s what I did. I made the mistake several times because I AT the time didn’t know it was wrong I thought it was just strange or I actually didn’t even put much attention to it until I got a little older like most kids. I always say I forgive myself but I don’t think I have. I know you’ve written to be so many times on here wondering what it is why I can’t let myself HAPPY do you think this has something to do with it? Also I’m going to tell you what happened to me yesterday and would appreciate ABY advice you can give me as it took me spiraling down.

My step dad and I spent all day together yesterday alone something we haven’t done in a while. We had the entire day planned to go pick out a new ring for my mom together and eat lunch and that’s what we did. While I was there I was having fun loved looking at rings I was perfectly comfortable etc. occasionally thoughts from my childhood worries would come like “omg imagine he just touched me right now or says something inappropriate or weird and ruins my whole life etc.” remember how this was my biggest scare after watching that movie. But I would ignore the thoughts and still enjoyed the day. And then when I got home the anxiety came flooding in. Idk if it was because I wasn’t able to tell my mom where we were and I was scared she would suspect something weird since we had “lunch” for four hours (becusse she didn’t know about the ring and I can’t tell her) or idk if I was scared she was going to ask me what’s wrong or if I looked weird or something and I was going to have a panic attack because I know my OCD would be like omg lie to her tell her he tried something tell her this etc (childhood again), but pretty much yesterday was NOT a good day for me and I really don’t want to ruin my summer and go into a big slump because of this. I am getting a dog next week and I am so excited and I really just want my OCD to stop ruining my happy days.

If you could please give me some advice on both of these topics I think it would make my entire weekend maybe put me at ease put things into perspective. Because right now I’m thinking I’m some crazy person who was screwed up as a kid and now is still screwed up as an adult for thinking all these weird things. I just want to forgive myself for my previous stupid mistakes and I want a relationship with my dad that doesn’t have these ridiculous thoughts.

Thank you always.