Dear Heartbrokengurl:

You asked for the reader’s thoughts, so here are mine:

You started the association with this man with “extreme anxiety” (your words on the May 5 thread, regarding same man), fearing that he will leave you from the very beginning of your association with him

This extreme anxiety is like fog that caused you to distrust your other feelings, hurt and anger. I will explain:

You think he is honest (“I appreciated his honesty”) for telling you he is involved with another woman, but you are ignoring the fact that he was dishonest with you from the beginning of your association with him, throughout the first date, throughout the second, sex included and throughout the sex on the third date.

It is assumed (as unwise as it is, but still) that a man advertising himself as dating, is not otherwise involved. When you had the dates with him, you assumed he was single, not involved with another woman. If he was honest, he wouldn’t be dating for as long as he is otherwise involved, and most significantly, for you, he would have told you before having sex with him so that you were able to make an INFORMED decision.

Your feelings of hurt and anger are valid and justified (“I was a bit upset… kind of hurt”).

As to your questions: “So now I just wait I guess?  …Do I move on, or wait and see if he comes to me?”

My answer: calm yourself enough (that anxiety), so that you can think clearly, and so that you get to know him. Assume nothing. Ask questions. Don’t take the passive role in your own life, waiting, hoping.

anita