Marge I hope that by the time you read this that you are well on the way to healing and have a clear vision for a better life for you. Sometimes, giving people a second chance, such as the man you speak of, is like giving someone extra bullets because they missed you the first time. Forgiving yourself is paramount. To forgive him does not mean you have to stay with him. It just means you forgive him, and move on. Respect yourself so that you can let him go so that you can move on so that you CAN meet the person you deserve. A couple  of times I noticed that you use what I call “The J Word”, aka jealous(y). I think that jealousy is a very destructive element in a relationship. I recall once upon a time that my now and I got into an argument. I don’t even recall what it was about. Anyway, she said something that , to this day, do not understand. She said, “You don’t care about us because you’re not jealous!” Whaaaaat? I said to her, ” I am not jealous because I do care about us.” Jealousy is just not a part of my life, I suppose because I am secure within myself. There is no need to go through what you are going through. Forgive, let go, embrace wonderful possibilities coming your way, and most of all, love yourself.