Anita,

No, I’ve only had this particular type of relationship and it was with him.  I never had a relationship at all before I became friends with him.  I usually (and still do) dodge advances from other men because you are right, I am uneasy about the idea of a intimate (physical) relationship with anyone, and the lack of experience with that did make me feel insecure, which prevents me from being fully present emotionally I think.  This is actually something that I was very confused about during this situation because I know I love and care about him, I’m sad at the idea of losing him, and I actually liked what we had very much as it was (but I was still frustrated that we weren’t talking about it), but I didn’t feel like I desired more than that.  After going through this, I’ve started to realize that I identify within the asexual spectrum, which I know not everyone understands, but after learning how others who identify as asexual feel about intimacy, I just know that’s where I’m at with it.  So yes, I think my lack of showing physical interest, and my insecurities with my lack of experience kept me from seeming open to anything more, and because I’ve realized this about myself I do realize that that must have been confusing and frustrating for him as well.  I feel I should deal with these insecurities, and spend more time with them before I can be in a healthy relationship with anyone, but it feels like I can’t do that while spending so much energy on the end of this one.  I don’t want to beat myself up over what I could have or should have done differently, I don’t want to resent him because I feel like he wants to keep me on “the back burner” (when I really know it’s probably more complicated for him than that), and I don’t want us to try to hold on to each other if it’s not in either of our best interests (and I really don’t want that to hurt someone else in the process).  Thank you for somewhat validating that it’s okay for me to consider this an actual relationship, because I have such a hard time feeling okay with considering it a break up of sorts.  Thank you for taking the time to listen to me and share your thoughts.  I really appreciate what you had to say and it was very helpful 🙂