Hi Sunseeker1,

Maybe instead of focusing on wanting to make new friends (which you can always try to do!) you can instead start focusing on yourself so that you love to be alone. It doesn’t matter if you are fat, or black. You can always love yourself. I like to make a list of things about myself that I want to change or improve, and then to create steps or strategies I can take toward achieving that goal. And then go out and take the first step! Appreciate the ability to be able to get better, to move forward.

Depression is often a sign that you are not letting go of something that you should be moving on from. If it is your ex-boyfriend that is making you depressed and preventing you from moving on, I often like to focus on the things they do that we usually block to make the person into someone better than they actually are, our idealization of them. Focusing on these instead of pining after the things you miss can help you start to move forward. Sometimes moving forward may be gradual, and sometimes it may seem so rapid it is overwhelming. But it is important that we try not to look back at things we cannot change. Instead, as Anita wrote, focus on the things you can control. And I think you may find more positive changes you begin to make in yourself the more the more other people will want to be around you.

Also, I just want to suggest perhaps focusing on other people instead of yourself. I only started to move forward from some issues that were holding me back when I started to trying to help other people. You say you have one girlfriend. What can you to help her? Or is there someone at work you can do a nice thing for? As the Dalai Lama XIV said, “We are visitors on this planet. We are here for one hundred years at the very most. During that period we must try to do something good, something useful, with our lives. If you contribute to other people’s happiness, you will find the true meaning of life.”