Sorry for the late reply.

I had some technical difficulties that it wouldn’t let me text my reply.

It took me a few months to actually come out and tell her how I felt. I had to think about it, get into tune within myself if I really felt that way toward her. It wasnt a crush anymore, I actually fell in love with her. I fell for her for who she, for being there for me and truly caring for me from afar. Something I’ve never experienced in my whole life, someone who really wanted to help me through my heartache who wanted to be there to support and encourage me. I didnt expect her to give me that “hope” cause I assumed she was straight and since distance is a issue I didn’t think she’ll give me that answer. when she explained to me she is open to date whomever (when she ready for a relationship) gender is no issue to her. I took that as account even though I still feared she may only want me for attention. Yet, as time went on I see us grow as wonderful close long distance friends. That I truly cherished!
I only want friendship first, slowly ease into a relationship with someone. She told me “If we both we felt the same way. We could have a relationship in the future.” She kept telling me this whenever I brought it up last year (I’d talked to her about this a couple of times) My anxiety took the best of me, I was worried she would only want me for attention which is why I had to bring it up with her. I have trust issues, if anyone is too nice to me or go out of their way for me. I’ll question those actions. I kept thinking that person wants something from me.
That being said, it applies to anyone who’ll be interested in me not only her.
Few months back I did talk to a therapist for two months, I have overcome my fears yet I still struggle sometimes cause I just don’t want to get my hopes up.
I wish I can drive over to her place, hang out, be with my best friend. It’s also hurts when she isn’t quite herself (sick or having a bad day) I wish I can do more in person than text her or send gifts. It hurts that I still have these feelings for her, I want to discuss this with her. But we’ve already talked about this many times. I can’t tell her anymore cause it already settled. If I mention this again she may just say what she said before or say “I thought we are only friends?”. I want to talk to her about this cause she is the person i’ll go to whenever i have alot on my mind. She keeps me calm and at ease when my anxiety and worries go over board. I just have to live with this, live my life. I do try to get out there to meet people to make more friends but I mainly make acquaintances hardly any close friends. It’s hard to trust people since my break up. I can trust her to never hurt me, it’s just I dont know if I’ll ever move on until we actually meet up to see how our chemistry is in person.