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Hi,
I can empathize with you in the feeling lost and want to help feeling. I have been there myself. I would like to suggest something that helped me at the time my son was diagnosed with oppositional behavioral disorder and ADD. I joined a group of moms who were experiencing the same type of child issues as I was, and I found the group to be very supportive. We talked about our experiences and how we handled issues, family dynamics and how to try different approached to the behavior. The biggest thing I got from it was that I am not alone. It makes a difference when there is a support system behind you. There is usually a local group in the communities. See if you could find one that would fit with you and your family.
jaymarie