Yes, I’d told her that I must let go of that “hope” she given me because I can not focus on myself. My mind is to set on her and the hope that I never had the time to actually explore myself. Who I am, what I want in life and to love myself first. She encourages me to do this, she knows I need to stay focus on my life cause she knows I will give her the whole world if I am so focused on a potential relationship in the future for her. The distance is a major issue here, and it’ll be another whole year that i have to wait to go see her. I dont want to limit myself fully on her when there is a whole life ahead of me.

I am secretly holding on to that hope. All she knows is that I am moving on and living my life while we still have a good friendship from afar. I had to tell her about this cause we are so close and stay in touch that I couldn’t focus on myself. She was the one to put “relationship” on the table, while I already friend zone her after I expressed my feelings to her. I know how I am when I care for someone, I reject myself to give that person happiness over mine.

She wants to be part of my life, she said this to me last year. I didnt understand how some young woman wanted me in her life when we never met in person but she and I build this friendship together and we don’t want to lose one another.

If she finds love I must be happy for her if I find love then I know she be happy for me as well. But I know deep down that I must see her, I am working very hard putting in more hours to save money to visit her and other countries in the UK. I already plan to visit the UK before I met her now I really want to focus on my euro trip cause I made a best friend who i love dearly there.