thank you for replying to me! and yes he is my ex boyfriend and i still love him and care for him very much! from what he’s told me nobody else truly knows what goes on through his head but me.

i remember me and him came to a conclusion that what he’s dealing with could be a sign of BPD a while ago but now it’s starting to look like it’s something completely different. quite a few people who know him also think it’s BPD but they don’t know about him feeling numb and how he can’t completely grab onto feelings. we talked on the phone yesterday and he mentioned how there’s some feelings that he knows will come back and some that he knows won’t and the ones he had for me don’t seem like they would be coming back and although i did believe it for a second, it still isn’t really making sense to me. like i mentioned above, the feelings he had for me were quite strong. almost stronger than any other one he’s had for anyone else (or at least thats what he tells me) so it just doesn’t make sense that he’d lose his strong feelings first and be able to keep his weak ones.

even when he was breaking up with me he mentioned how he still cares and loves me but not in the way he used to. like he loves me enough to see me do good and be happy because it’ll make him the happiest but he doesnt love me in the way that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. and it’s really confusing me because the way he makes it seem, its like this not wanting to be with me is only temporary. when i asked him why he doesn’t want to be with me anymore he says even though he still thinks i’m the most beautiful, he just wasn’t able to treat me good and that says a lot. :/  a few days ago he was being so hopeful saying that he’ll do whatever it takes to love and protect me even if it means he has to undergo that fight with himself because he knows i’m worth it but now he’s saying the fight is bigger than he is. i hate that he’s being hard on himself and he’s just pushing me away while doing it. i don’t know if it’s just better to stop trying or to still show him that he means everything to me and i still think he’s strong and can do this. :/