Hi Jeff,

Some of what you say about your relationship with your recent ex comes across as if you think there is something wrong with you. You said “Unfortunately it wasn’t good enough.” It’s as if you think your desire for connection, and the ways you sought it (being complimentary, warm, a good listener), were faulty.

Unless you were standing under her bedroom every night plinking her window with pebbles, then I don’t see why wanting and seeking connection with her means you’re not good enough.

No person (that I’ve met, anyway) has unlimited emotional resources and desire to connect. It may be that the quality of your experiences with your ex were lovely, but she just doesn’t have it in herself to do that more often. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, or with her.