Anita,

Thank you for your kind words! That means a lot to me. 🙂

Tears immediately welled in my eyes as I read your observation. Yea, it’s pretty clear when you look at it from the outside. Only in the last couple months have I been able to look at the role my mom’s issues have played in what I’m dealing with today. It’s hard to separate the love (and gratitude!) I have for her from all of this stuff. I’ve tried to bring it up with her but probably not in the most direct ways, which always results in her becoming very defensive and it never gets anywhere. Not that a conversation with her about it would change anything. Or would it? What do you do when you recognize why you are the way you are? What’s the next step?

At the beginning of this year after lots of pleading from me she finally sought help and was put on meds again and started seeing a counselor (she hadn’t taken meds for probably 15 yrs because of side effects). She seems to be a lot more evened out because of this, but it’s still hard for me to trust her reactions. We are very close but I have definitely started limiting the details I share with her about my life. Some of this has to do with advice that you have given me before, Anita. That she is my primary role model and so her opinions are huge to me and shape me more than I realize even today at 33. I don’t need her negativity clouding my already confused and anxious thoughts.