Dear AM:

I re-read your original post as well as your second post. The relationship with AS clearly did not work out and his state of mind presently doesn’t read different from his state of mind when he was your boyfriend. So I am thinking that the problems you had with him as a boyfriend before, will be the same if he was your boyfriend again.

The fact that you think of AS only when you have problems with TM leads me to think that AS, for you, is  a comforting thought. But not a comforting reality, because you “look at him through rose tinted glasses”. What it means to me is that AS in himself is not the solution, it is only the rose-tinted-thought of him that feels like a solution when you have troubles with TM.

Maybe TM is not the right boyfriend for you, but neither is AS, reads to me.

Somehow, I think, you need to manage your anxiety when the relationship with TM is not going well, improve the relationship or end it, and then manage your anxiety when you are not involved with any man.

anita