Anita,

I wanted to talk to you today after my session today where we really focused on my boyfriend. My therapist has come to the conclusion obviously that the content of my obsessions isn’t what is important (my obsessions regarding my relationship) its what the obsessions make me feel. That the problem in my relationship isn’t my boyfriend its me (much like you said multiple times). Now she mentioned that she things a big issue regarding my relationship is that I don’t feel safe because of the past we had. She believes my obsessions are because I am scared to be happy and hurt. It is easier for me to hurt myself, than for someone else to hurt me because I still am in control. Since in the beginning of the relationship I had no security because there were secrets being kept and we would break up very often, its hard for me to find a sense of security in a changed man. I know my boyfriend now wouldn’t do anything he did in the past as he to me he finally had a revelation of our relationship and loves me more than ever and we communicate very well now and were headed in the most amazing direction.

My question is Anita, will this sense of security ever come back? I mean I can only assume if were not breaking up at all in the next year (haven’t in the last 8 months, longest we ever haven’t) and were being open and honest and the trust is getting rebuilt, I find myself being able to eventually feel VERY secure after our relationship is stable and consistent for a long period of time.

Now next session, were going to focus on my safety insecurity. The need to always be in control and not trust others. There have been times in my life where I haven’t felt safe. Growing up in a physically abusive home until I was 4 might just be enough.. or maybe after the movie I watched how I just didn’t feel “safe” with older men because of it, so I chose to avoid all of them. I know if I don’t fix this issue, I am never going to be able to have a relationship with anyone. Please give your input you are always so wise! Thank you! 🙂