Alexandria,

thank you for your kind reply! I appreciate it.

its very hard… and the abuse I endured growing up was mental abuse from my step father. My mother was very passive about the abuse and I didn’t have an emotionally available parent. I was very depressed growing up.

I’m not sure if you were able to read all of my post.. but I mentioned that while I’m not sure if I was a complete victim of sexual abuse, I committed acts around the age of 12,13 or 14 (I can’t remember) that I find very shameful. I was coercive and handsy with two people that were younger. Reading your story makes me sad because I feel like I’m the same type of person that took away your innocence… i feel like a monster that deserves nothing but the worst.

I’m afraid that I might have a treatable type of cancer… but I feel like I deserve to not get treatment and to let it do what it does because of the things I did as a younger teenager.  I know I was young… but I connect the actions to my sense of self so much that I can’t see any good that I bring to the world.

Im sorry for you pain. I’m sorry for the things I’ve done 🙁