Dear James:

Your dating relationship with your ex friend/ girlfriend as it was, with the ugly breakup, necessarily changes the dynamic of the group association. It cannot be like before.

If you consider getting back together with the group, giving it a try, maybe you can get together one to one with your ex girlfriend, and check and see the current feelings between the two of you, her feelings about the group and you joining the group. Not for the purpose of asking her permission, but for the purpose of checking how it could be if you re-join, and so to prevent faking it in the group, pretending to be “all friendly with her”-

For you to be comfortable, authentic in the group, the relationship with her within-the-group has to be authentic. Therefore I suggest meeting with her beforehand.

anita