Hi Craig,

When I was going through a low point, I found two things helpful: First, to not only think about the things we like about the person we are trying to move on from, until it piles into this too-perfect idealization, but to also remember all the stuff about the person that we didn’t like as well. It sounds like kind of mean advice, but sometimes that is what it takes. “Man, I miss the way she used to…”. “But she also used to…”

The second thing that really helped me move forward is to try to focus on my own self-progress as much as possible instead of lingering over negative thoughts or the opinions of other people. I like to make a list of goals or things I want to change about myself, choose one to focus on, and then create a list of steps that will lead me to achieving it. And then after taking that first step, reflect on the progress, on the hope of growing, instead of things that make you feel bad. I think moving forward is the cure. Online dating is cool because you can meet new people, but even going to the same coffee shop or bar can lead to cool new connections, until who knows? Maybe one day you meet the love of your life. Try to focus on the possibilities instead of the bad.

T.H. White once wrote, “The secret to being said, is to learn something.” Learning can take you out of your own mind and instead create new neurons or whatever as your brain remember a new skill. For some reason, learning Japanese on my cell phone really helped me out of a low point. Just to get out of the apartment I would go to a bar during happy hour and nurse (or not) cheap discounted beers as I did Duolingo on my cell phone. The combination of the atmosphere and language lessons made me realize I hadn’t been thinking about my problems for almost fifteen minutes. That was sort of my hobby I looked forward to for a few weeks.

A book that really helped me was “Everyday Zen” by Charolotte Joko Beck. It really helped me to stop thinking about myself so much and instead focus on all this beauty around me in the present moment.