Dear Quirine:

Glad you are back! I re-read your posts in the previous thread.

On this thread you asked if you should pursue/ avail yourself to a relationship with the woman you met, working on your anxiety about it in therapy OR “take more time and come back to the game when I feel more self-confident?”

I believe that no matter how hard and how long you work in therapy and otherwise on your anxiety as a single woman, not being involved in a relationship, the moment you get into a relationship, or a possibility of it (as recently happened), the anxiety will be back. It is impossible to work on relationship anxiety outside the context of a relationship.

If at this time you have to focus greatly on school/ job/career, and/ or immediate needs such as a place to live, then it is not a good time to consider a relationship because precious energy and time will be lost on the relationship and your school/job/ career/immediate needs will significantly suffer.

But, if your basic needs are met and your education or job/ career/immediate needs are met/ stable enough, allowing you the energy and time required for relationship work, then do avail yourself to a possible relationship and work in therapy to help  you with it.

* A sentence in your previous thread caught my eye tday: “I can almost calculate or forsee his (your father’s) explosions of anger”- would you like to tell me more about those explosions and your reactions, as a child?

anita