Dear Moani:

In your original post you wrote: “as in every relationship we have our ups and downs, but nothing out of the ordinary just the usual normative stressors every couple has from time to time.”- it is often the case that arguments and fighting at times (that is disrespect and aggression in some form) is an ordinary and normal part of relationships, but it is not a desirable or necessary part of a relationship. I am not suggesting that you and your boyfriend argue and fight, but often it is the case. My input nonetheless: it is possible to practice respect at all times and zero aggression at all times, in the context of a relationship.

You and your boyfriend read to me like reasonable people. Reads to me that he does indeed love you and cares for your well-being and that he is moving ahead toward a future with you. I think it is appropriate for you to talk with him about marriage anytime, about the benefits of it… as long as you are not pressuring him, as long as you are honest with him, not excessive, not manipulative, respectful, it is healthy for the benefit of the two of you to communicate honestly on any and every topic of significance.

anita