Dear Anita,

I guess when I speak in terms of danger, how can one evaluate when there is a problem within a relationship? At what point does the other person decide to pull away, to lose interest, or to change their mind? As you can see there are different levels of anxiety for me, ranging from the possibility of loss (a more passive anxiety) to the intrusive thoughts and feelings of sadness/sickness felt (more intense anxiety). Am I thinking too much about my relationship, creating too many “what ifs”, because I thought I would lose love for simple mistakes in the past? Or is it the fact that I’m trying to control something I didn’t have control over as a child? I know in my right mind that things are okay, but part of me is acting different, emotionally. I’m seeing how I withdraw my positive emotions and communication from my girlfriend as a way of building back my confidence and hoping she will realize I want her to put in her effort too. It’s not that my girlfriend is necessarily doing something she knows as “wrong”, but for me to be the one to fix things, and always contact her first, and say the most, it starts to overwhelm me. You can see how these different thoughts are cycling through.

Scott