And I truly want to quit again this time. These doubts point me to this may not be for me, then looking at what would happen if I quit, what eill happen to me, what will I do with my life. By staying, anxiety consumes me and thoughts of suicide emerge, and may become ideation actuation, (i did try to stab myself, almost did jump from a bridge in the past), and if I quit or at least whenever I’m not going to class I slowly calm down, more or less functional. When I thought that I dont need to be the one to heal/cure/help people, it calms me down. When I think I should find a business venture, its enticing, but not knowing where to start scares me. I wont know what I do or where I’ll end up. That is why I cling to careers with a path. Yet the path may be suffocating for me. And this is why I think I am just whiney. I was also told by that by my ex, when we were still together, at the peak of my panic attacks during my trial at law school. And feels like a better option, the only thing stopping me is I still fear death and I deel I dont deserve to die.