Dear Mary899:

Regarding whether what you said here and there was wrong and something to apologize for- it is too much of a headache for me to figure it out, and it seems like it is for you too. The reason it is too much of a headache is because a whole lot of things have been said between you and one friend and between you and the other friend and between the two friends. I will have to figure out who said what, at what time, after what was said earlier, and so on, indeed a headache.

You wrote: “Generally, I don’t consider myself to be a hypocrite…however, sometimes I think maybe there is some truth in what the N says. What do you think, Anita? I actually need an objective point of view to see things clearly.”-

Hypocrisy is a form of dishonesty. It is a dishonest pretense. Your very friendship with the two young women who you dislike, one of which you label a Narcissist, is dishonest. The honest thing to do is to not be friends with people you dislike. And so, in this regard, you were dishonest. This fact does not make any one of them honest. It only indicates your own dishonesty.

When I wrote earlier to you to prevent problems in the future, I meant, be cautious regarding who you befriend. Learn who the person is, and only if you approve of much of who the person is, her/ his basic values, then proceed with a friendship. Listen to what they say, pay attention to how you feel and what the message is in what you feel.

Regarding going back to college and facing the same two women, do keep your distance, is my advice. Do not re-enter … close interactions or negotiations, defending yourself or any such thing. Keep your distance, make new friends if you can (following learning who they are, being selective).

The mess created with these two women cannot be fixed, as far as I can see. So don’t try to fix it. It is broken, let it be. You want your life unbroken- don’t focus on where it is already broken- focus elsewhere.

anita