Hi Louise

I felt I had to write to you. I was with my ex for just short of a year. He too was emotionally abusive and controlling towards me. He did it in such a way that, at the time it didn’t ever feel bad. When we split up I started seeing a counsellor and it took around 6 weeks before I realised he emotionally abused me and attempted to control me. Ive also realised that he is a narcissist. I do not know if your ex fits this bill but narcissists do not know how to accept and love themselves and are therefore incapable of loving someone else. They can do a very good impression of it though and even believe themselves. They always have to be and have the best and you must fit that ‘ideal’. When you don’t they find a new ‘supply source’. Despite this, my ex showed me more love and affection than any previous boyfriend had and I really believed we had a future. His abuse and control was so cleverly disguised as ‘love’ and having my best interests at heart that the good, fun, loving times shone through. These ‘highs’ are our rewards and it is those rewards that we miss. I am now finally beginning to realise that I can and will find someone much better than him, the kind of guy I deserve, the love I deserve. Even though I am about to turn 40, which is scary, I know things are only going to get better. They will for you too! Keep strong! I found when I had weak moments and wanted to talk or text him I would contact a friend instead and they would very quickly remind me of his bad points. I wish I had had the strength like you to finish our relationship, he finished with me though after meeting his new ‘supply source’ and trying very hard to push me to ending our relationship, but I didn’t. I am beginning to be back in control now. Stay strong, there is definitely better out there for us!