I want you to know you have all the help & support you need here!  I’m glad I could help a little & wish I could help more.  From where I’m standing, I really get the sense of a strong, empathetic & kind woman.  You’re struggling right now because it seems you have always put others before yourself – something most of us are inclined to do.  I have a habit of doing that also & worry what people will think of me & can tend to be a people pleaser.  It can get tricky when family are involved.  Sometimes they are the ones we want to impress the most & prove we’re in control of things.  I am so sorry to hear your family don’t do emotions.  This can be hard.  My own family have never been ones for expressing their vulnerable sides (me included).  Usually this would be displayed through anger but as time goes on, some of us have learned to talk (others will never get to this point I don’t think) but it’s what we chose to do for ourselves that’s important.  Say for instance, I know I can’t change my sister or force her to tell me how she feels & let me see a side to her that’s struggling emotionally, however I am making the decision to allow myself to do it for me when things feel out of my control.  We need to start with ourselves & you need to start this with you too.  I think you have already done this by contacting this site so be proud of yourself for that.

I don’t know your family & am unsure of how you would deal with situations like this in the past?  However one thing I will say is that I think (from talking to you briefly) that you are an incredible person who wants to live, wants to be content, wants to be happy & already has a massive independent streak that she is afraid to embrace.

Sometimes we have to hit an all time low to build ourselves back up.  This is strength & I know you have this strength.  Look at the brave move you made in the first place – moving to a different country, taking a chance, allowing yourself to love – Believe me, you are braver than you give yourself credit for.  If you do go home, please keep in mind how you followed through on your plans & despite the outcome being different, you still gave it your best shot.  Relationships, engagements, marriages fall apart everyday.  It’s not uncommon & can be heart breaking but we all go through it at some stage.  You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.  You took a chance on life & I know you can find your light at the end of the tunnel because it is there for you.  Sending you so much strength!

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Sunset.