Rej,

Thank you for your kind message. Your perspective is exactly how I looked at things during my first divorce, and perhaps it’s relevant now too. It’s a difficult decision for sure. It is hard balancing all the negatives I know are involved in divorce against the potential negatives you cite of staying in the marriage for her. I guess I would just say that at this time, I think staying is best. For one thing, I haven’t been employed for over 12 years, and I’m 50 years old. I’m doing things right now that might make me more employable, so perhaps this will end up being a transitional period.

It helps that my husband and I are able to live peacefully and treat each other respectfully. My daughter probably does sense some tension and sadness, but it’s not a situation that I feel is as harmful to her right now as a divorce would be. I do work with her on coping strategies and so on (I also have anxiety, and both she and I have seen therapists for help in coping skills), so I’m not trying to keep all anxiety-producing issues away from her. I just think that the current situation is better for her right now. And it’s not like I’m miserable. I’m sad–I wish my husband were willing to work on things and be close and intimate and happy again. But I’m doing a lot of volunteer work, and I enjoy being available to my daughter all the time and not just 50% of the time. It’s just hard to let go of hope, you know?

But it may be that I end up going with a divorce too. I guess right now I just want to work on accepting where I am and letting go of what isn’t.