Dear Mina:

Your writing is amazingly skillful, polished, neat, intelligent, very impressive. That was my first impression this morning reading your latest post. I am… genuinely impressed by your writing, and you being nineteen capable of such writing.

As to the content of your post:

“I am here with a new update and new way of thinking“- in my last post to you I wrote about your feeling. I want to rephrase my message there: what you feel is very important. Your feelings matter and need to be attended to, primarily, by you. I would like you to have a … better relationship with your own feelings, to listen to the message behind them, to not reject your own feelings, to not be afraid of your feelings. I would like you, over time, to make friends with your feelings.

Your rational intelligence is strong, your thinking is excellent. To have a good life, this is not enough. “Emotional Intelligence”, or being friends with your feelings, is necessary.

“Do you remember my very first thread here? I told you that I wasn’t sure to continue my study here or not. I was at lowest point in my life…”- yes, I remember.

“I thought my ex boyfriend was the most perfect person in this planet. He is very nice, gracious, respectful and smart…He is not perfect, and I shouldn’t be making life changing decision based on him.”-

I agree. There is enough quality in you and you should make your life changing decisions not based on him, but on you.

You wrote: “I am not him. I am different from him. I will not run away and I will no longer hide. And for the first time ever since the break up, I can see why he is NOT the one for me. Instead of living a fantasy world that only I live in, I am starting to look at the reality and living it in.”

Back to my feeling-message: the first thing for you to not run away from is your feelings. Pay attention next time you feel distress (and it will happen, as it will happen to me this very day), pay attention: are you holding your breath, are you tense? Take a deep breath and notice, form the intent to relax into what you feel. This way there will be less distress, over time, more peace of mind.

I am all for you not living in a fantasy world and looking at reality, living in it. And indeed your focus on your ex boyfriend (of only four months, for crying out loud!) has been excessive. He is not perfect and he is not a god of any type. As wonderful as he was or is, you are wonderful too, no less.

You wrote: “I realise how much power my ex boyfriend still had over me. He was so perfect … until today. I have no desire to be understand or to be heard by him anymore because I realise that his opinion over me does NOT matter. It is my life not his. I should be the one making every decision not him.”-I agree, I concur, absolutely. Your focus on him all this time was indeed excessive, unreasonable, unhealthy for you.

“I shouldn’t be so easily moved by a simple break up”- I again agree. And again, your thinking in your last post is quality thinking. It is making friends with your feelings, with your emotional experience, that is necessary for your calm, peace of mind over time.

anita