Dear Mina:

You wrote above: “Me and my ex share the same burden and thoughts, we cannot appear weak to people. We cannot admit that we are indeed depressed because of the stigma in mental issues. We both have to keep our ‘perfect kids’ role for our parents and society standards”-

Earlier, on this page of the thread, you wrote: “I admired my ex boyfriend, almost in a God like kind of admiration”-

He is no more of a god than you are. It is time, I believe, to drop that admiration. This admiration is not helpful to you, to him, or to now inactive relationship. This admiration harms.

Your parents’ expectations of you; his parents’ expectations of him to be perfect kids, that is.. gods (because no human can possibly be perfect) has and is hurting him and you. Why not bond over this hurt, over this misunderstanding by your respective parents?

Why promote their mistake by looking at him as… a god?

I see no reason to not communicate with him. The preparation I would make before initiating communication with him, if you so choose to do, is to prepare to see your ex boyfriend not as a god, not as a “perfect kid”, but as a struggling peer, an equal.

Be prepared to him not meeting your perfect expectations. Better yet, let him know he can be his imperfect self with you. Neither one of you needs to be perfect with the other. Be just… people, decent, imperfect unsaintly people.

anita