Anita,

I am so happy you understand. I still try to be myself when I am with my close friends here, sometimes the whole social lubrication is quite tough to handle.

That is why these days, I make a lot of decisions to spend alone time with myself, I haven’t been very nice to my own self during the break up period. I used to hate eating alone but now I eat alone in the college cafeteria by my own choice. I like it, surprisingly it isn’t bad at all. I feel like even being alone, without my friends or my ex boyfriend – Mina still survives.

Social events tends to tire me out, last semester I was trying really hard to fit in. I wasn’t really being myself, I hate school events and sport events, but I came to those events anyways. My back got hurt so much from the dance cheering (Korean culture to dance for 5/6 hours during a sport match) and it isn’t my thing. I went to drink in a drinking tent (Korean culture sigh) to accompany my ex boyfriend in Business School drinking tent (they invited DJ, was a big scale party in the middle of the university. I did not even get to attend my own major drinking tent for my ex boyfriend)

I decided not to come to these kind of events anymore this semester and my seniors weren’t very happy – I do not really care anyways. It is another culture thing in Korea to listen to your seniors (like sophomore/seniors in university) – they really want me to involve myself in the major again to make a statement to the Koreans. But I do not care about what the Koreans think about me.

Most of the Koreans knows me because of my ex boyfriend. I have mentioned how important he was in his major and for a foreigner to date someone like him was almost impossible until it happened with me. Korean does not like foreigners in general and isn’t open to date them. My ex boyfriend was usually the type of guy that foreigner could not even dream to get close with. People in a sense, respected me for that. But I no longer want to use the benefits of being his ex. My ex is no one in the university right now since he resigned from the student council and is moving college.

I am just a regular student now and I want to really stop forcing myself to associate myself with events that I do not even want to attend. I am just Mina. I am not someones girlfriend or someones junior or anyone important. I want to take my time to live my life, to find myself.

-Mina

• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Mina.