Dear Mina:

I like this recent post, what a delight to read.

Notice this, you experienced something very important in the quest of mental well being. I want to point to it and hope that you will repeat what you did regarding other items and  in different contexts. You wrote: “I used to hate eating alone but now I eat alone in the college cafeteria by my own choice. I like it, surprisingly it isn’t bad at all. I feel like even being alone, without my friends or my ex boyfriend – Mina still survives.”

“I used to hate eating alone”- if you avoided eating alone for months and years, maybe a lifetime, that would be you doing the same behavior (looking for company to eat with) based on hating to eat alone. But you did something else:

“but now I eat alone … by my own choice”- you chose a to try, or experiment with a different behavior, eating alone.

And the result: “I like it, surprisingly it isn’t bad at all.”

Your conclusion based on trying a different behavior: “I feel like even being alone, without my friends or my ex boyfriend – Mina still survives.” You built self confidence, confidence in your ability to do and to like doing something different. You hated eating alone because of the distress of your ex boyfriend not being there. You learned that not only you can survive that distress, but you enjoyed eating alone.

This is a valuable lesson and a good experience. I hope you repeat this kind of experimenting different behaviors.

You also wrote in your recent post: “I decided not to come to these kind of events anymore this semester”- that is you choosing when you have the opportunity to choose. Clearly, although some people didn’t like your choice, you survived their disapproval and are here to tell about it!

* Regarding your ex boyfriend having been important but is  “no one in the university right now”- this is evidence that indeed  living your own life (in the last line) makes sense. If you live for others, you are important one day.. and no one the next. If you live your life you are always important.

anita