You are experiencing what most of us have experienced at some point in our teenage years and a lot of it is influenced by chemical changes of puberty. As well this is the time we start taking ownership between what we were taught and what we think.  I suspect you started to notice that what you learned about how the world should be is not the way the world is and in this light that peoples actions don’t always follow what they say. (Including our own)  It’s a very confusing time so I don’t think your losing your find. Far from it as the way you were able to write about your experience was very articulate.

Try not to be to hard on yourself. Its important to feel what your feeling however try not to add judgments about how you feel as that tends to intensify them.  Feeling bad about feeling bad is a horrible place to get stuck in.